Well done! Honestly I appreciate you confirming what I knew about guys like Ben and the like. I don’t consume their stuff but I thought I knew what their “thing” is, and I am glad I wasn’t putting them into a box.
As a black man, patriarchy is...not so cut and dry, especially in America. But on the whole obviously I have more privilege per say than women of color especially but white women in some circumstances, and people of the LGBTQIA+ community. But it all sucks. I have always said if your philosophy in life or your politics hurt someone/constrain someone and that is something that brings you joy? Perhaps there needs to be a check on that moral compass.
Beautifully said. I find myself in therapy weekly trying to unlearn the harmful things I was taught. Bervely Tatum writes about racism being in the air we breathe. I’d add the air we breathe is also polluted with toxic masculinity. Now, I’m wrestling not only with unlearning, but also trying to find healthy ways to be masculine without the toxicity- it feels like I’m walking on eggs shells. Men, need a safe space to talk and process this without the Shapiros and the locker room bully calling you names.
So well written, so clearly articulated. Finally, a piece written from the heart that I can send to some of my fellow trapped men who desperately want (or need) to hear the better way.
So often I see think pieces that get preachy, pushy, of way too academic and that gives (we think) us men reasons to dismiss it. This is just excellent.
I don't know what to call whatever has happened to me. All I know is that I am suddenly a lonely 63-year-old who used to have a ton of friends and even an occasional girlfriend. Now it is nada.
Thank you for sharing this. I wish I knew what to say. All I can think is that the emphasis on the nuclear family can really take so many of us away from friendship and community, along with the issues I wrote about here cutting a lot of us men off from profound friendships to begin with. There's more but I just hope there are places for us to connect with one another, or that we build them if there aren't
I’m not sure if this is to position, but some of this sounds like you think patriarchy is a mindset? Like, a product of a bunch of toxic beliefs that if men (and some women) just all collectively decide to shed them, we could end women’s oppression. I usually think of patriarchy in materialist terms and women’s oppression as co-constitutive of capitalism, which doesn’t play much of a role in your article here. I’m not making much of an argument for this, being a comments section and all, but was wondering if this view of patriarchy at all squares with what you’ve written. Sorry if I misinterpreted anything you wrote! (And I also very much agree that patriarchy imprisons men and have a similar disdain for the macho hustle media personalities who promote it).
Well done! Honestly I appreciate you confirming what I knew about guys like Ben and the like. I don’t consume their stuff but I thought I knew what their “thing” is, and I am glad I wasn’t putting them into a box.
As a black man, patriarchy is...not so cut and dry, especially in America. But on the whole obviously I have more privilege per say than women of color especially but white women in some circumstances, and people of the LGBTQIA+ community. But it all sucks. I have always said if your philosophy in life or your politics hurt someone/constrain someone and that is something that brings you joy? Perhaps there needs to be a check on that moral compass.
I agree totally. Patriarchy hurts everyone. Excellent piece.
Thank you 🙏🏻
Beautifully said. I find myself in therapy weekly trying to unlearn the harmful things I was taught. Bervely Tatum writes about racism being in the air we breathe. I’d add the air we breathe is also polluted with toxic masculinity. Now, I’m wrestling not only with unlearning, but also trying to find healthy ways to be masculine without the toxicity- it feels like I’m walking on eggs shells. Men, need a safe space to talk and process this without the Shapiros and the locker room bully calling you names.
All. Of. This.
So well written, so clearly articulated. Finally, a piece written from the heart that I can send to some of my fellow trapped men who desperately want (or need) to hear the better way.
So often I see think pieces that get preachy, pushy, of way too academic and that gives (we think) us men reasons to dismiss it. This is just excellent.
Wow, thank you so much. Every kind word about my writing is appreciated, but this gets right to the heart of what I was hoping to achieve. Thank you.
Ben Shapiro is cartoonishly stupid, which is the secret of his success.....
I don't know what to call whatever has happened to me. All I know is that I am suddenly a lonely 63-year-old who used to have a ton of friends and even an occasional girlfriend. Now it is nada.
Thank you for sharing this. I wish I knew what to say. All I can think is that the emphasis on the nuclear family can really take so many of us away from friendship and community, along with the issues I wrote about here cutting a lot of us men off from profound friendships to begin with. There's more but I just hope there are places for us to connect with one another, or that we build them if there aren't
Thank you for this excellent piece. Just the advice I needed this morning :)
I’m not sure if this is to position, but some of this sounds like you think patriarchy is a mindset? Like, a product of a bunch of toxic beliefs that if men (and some women) just all collectively decide to shed them, we could end women’s oppression. I usually think of patriarchy in materialist terms and women’s oppression as co-constitutive of capitalism, which doesn’t play much of a role in your article here. I’m not making much of an argument for this, being a comments section and all, but was wondering if this view of patriarchy at all squares with what you’ve written. Sorry if I misinterpreted anything you wrote! (And I also very much agree that patriarchy imprisons men and have a similar disdain for the macho hustle media personalities who promote it).
This post is pure gold. Thank you for taking such a deep, thoughtful dive into this subject. You are spot on in every aspect.