I got a message on Twitter the other day, of a kind I get fairly often. It was someone pointing out that a person I follow had said something imperfect. In this case, the ‘offender’ happened to be a Palestinian woman directing her anger at Zionists in a way that this individual felt was inappropriate, or offensive, or something. I don’t recall, because I moved on so quickly. I generally spend next to no time with messages of this sort. If you have a problem with someone, go take it up with them, not those who happen to follow a supposedly imperfect person on social media.
But this particular message lingered a bit. It came at a time when my thoughts have already been swirling about this odd desire we have for perfect allies, perfect people. Of course there are certain hard lines we have to hold with those we interact with, organize with, are in community with. Racism, sexism, all forms of bigotry and hatred cannot be tolerated. But what about the mountains of grey, what about the people who make mistakes, what about the people who have real differences of opinion? Should they be excommunicated? Should they be unfollowed?
I am well aware that some bad actors use the very real tolerance and patience of well-intentioned people to get into and stay in spaces where they have no business being. We do need caution, we do need hard lines at times, and we do need a culture of thoughtfully and carefully and systematically protecting one another. But do we need perfection? Because to demand perfection is to demand the impossible. To demand perfection, especially from people with less knowledge or different backgrounds or less experience is to keep movements small and shut off from much of the world. And to keep movements small is to keep them weak and powerless.
So how do we hold ourselves and others to high standards of behavior, to standards that keep people safe, while still having grace for those who stumble, those who may be ignorant in some way, or sometimes just those who are different? And how do we unlearn our urge to demand perfection? How do we unlearn our urge to enforce a perfection that does not exist?
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